How to Reject Someone Nicely, According to a Relationship Expert
Breaking up or telling someone you aren’t interested isn’t easy. It’s tough to know what to say when you aren’t interested in seeing someone again. No one finds rejecting someone else easy.
Because most people don’t like hurting other people! In fact, maybe you are the type of person who worries about having to reject, waste someone’s time or hurt them. It puts you off dating!
I am going to give you some tips on how to reject someone nicely rather than avoiding dating or ghosting (disappearing without saying anything).
Because I know that not knowing what to say is one of the biggest reasons people ghost.
But ghosting is NOT the way to break up with someone, even if it seems easier for you it isn’t easier for the other person. It leaves the other person wondering what happened, what was wrong with them or what they did wrong.
With so many questions unanswered questions including – did you die!
You may not like breaking up with someone but you can do it nicely. This says so much more about who you are as a person – like that you are able to face difficult conversations, you are kind and aware of other people’s feelings.
It also gives you good dating karma!
Most people would prefer you to tell them why you aren’t interested rather than disappearing off the face of the planet. No matter how much that rejection may hurt, it is much better than the unknown.
To Reject or Be Rejected is a Gift
It may not seem like it at the time but a clear rejection really is a gift for both of you. You’re letting the other person know where they stand so neither of you wastes each other’s time. It saves disappointment, hurt and pain down the road. It will also leave you available for the right person to come into your life.
How to Make the Rejection Conversation Easier
Yes, it is possible to make the rejection conversation easier and as a Relationship Expert who works with singles every day, I am going to tell you how!
Decide How to Reject
Maybe you feel like you have to have this big face-to-face conversation and you that is just too hard! I hear you! However, there is more than one way to tell someone you aren’t interested and you get to decide how you tell them.
Maybe you have heard that you have to have the conversation in person but that isn’t always the case. If you have only had a couple of dates, a text message is acceptable. It may even be better for the other person than getting dressed up and excited about meeting you only to have you reject them!
If you have only been messaging someone and haven’t met a text message is also acceptable.
For anything more, a phone call or face-to-face meeting is the right thing to do. No matter how uncomfortable you may feel about it.
How to reject someone over text:
Here are some examples of what you can send if you are rejecting someone via text:
- I enjoyed meeting you and had a fun date. Unfortunately, I don’t feel the chemistry to take things further. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.
- It was lovely meeting you but tbh, I don’t feel like we are the right match for each other. Good luck in the future.
- It was great to meet you. I am happy to meet again but for me, it would be as friends. If that’s ok with you, totally understand if it isn’t.
- Hey, (name) I enjoyed meeting you. I thought you were awesome but I didn’t feel that spark.
The Process of How to Reject Someone
1. It’s Not Rejection
Ok, maybe that sounds extreme, but hear me out. Dating is about finding the person who matches your values, your lifestyle and way of thinking. Then there is the mysterious spark that can’t be defined. So, it isn’t really about rejecting the other person. They can be interesting, funny, intelligent and great to talk to but that doesn’t mean they are the right fit for you or you for them.
The real reason is that you are not a good fit or match for each other. Being able to change your perspective will change how you see things and you will be able to realise that isn’t a rejection. It also helps you not feel bad or guilty about telling someone you aren’t interested in them.
2. Timing
Think about when is a good time to tell the other person you aren’t interested in them. However, don’t fall into the trap of finding the ‘perfect time’ as there never is one!
3. Be Honest & Don’t Blame Something Else
Be clear, honest and direct rather than making up excuses or using clichés! It may be easier to say that “It’s not me, it’s you” but that will often leave the other person confused as it doesn’t give them a real explanation. Or using, “I’ m not ready” or “you deserve better” and then they see you move on quickly afterwards either getting married or moving in with the next person. Don’t make excuses, blame something else or use a reason that isn’t true. Yes, it may feel difficult but being clear about why things didn’t work out is the best way. The truth is that most people will appreciate and respect you being clear.
4. Don’t be Mean or Nasty
However, being clear doesn’t mean having an excuse to be mean! Or to give the other person a list of every single thing you didn’t like about them. That is just unnecessary.
5. Only Speak for Yourself
When you are rejecting someone or telling them you aren’t interested come from how you feel. Don’t speak for them.
Instead of pointing out why you weren’t the right match for them, talk about how you feel. When you talk for them it can cause a debate rather than acceptance. Always use “I” statements as you can only talk for yourself.
6. Don’t Over Explain!
Don’t over-explain your reasons, keep it simple. When you start to over-explain it leads to questions and bad feelings from the other person. You don’t want to fall into the trap of rationalising your decision or getting into how things could have worked! All that does is leave the impression that the other person can change your decision. It is important to be clear, honest and direct.
A little bit of questioning may be inevitable as the other person wants to understand why. But you don’t want to turn your break-up conversation into a negotiation.
If they insist on more answers, here are ways to answer without getting into a debate:
- It’s the way I feel.
- I’m not feeling the connection with you and I have to go with my gut feeling.
- I don’t feel the same way you do.
- I am clear about what I am looking for and I am not feeling it.
- I don’t feel like we are a good fit. I understand you feel we are, but I hope you can appreciate that I know what’s right for me.
- I don’t know what else I can say. This is how I feel and where I am at, I hope you can respect my decision.
7. You Can’t Control How They Feel
No matter how nicely you reject someone or break up with them you need to accept that they will feel hurt. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that. You may want to make them feel better, but you are not the person who is able to do that for them at this moment. You are not responsible for THEIR feelings.
As much as you want to reject them in a kind, compassionate way without hurting them, you can’t control how they handle your rejection. That is up to them.
8. Make the Break Clean
You may want to be friends, however, the easiest way for both of you to move on is to have a clean break. Then you may have a chance of being friends down the track.
I recommend not following them on social media or liking their posts. All that will do is give them false hope. Oh, and don’t fall into the trap of sleeping with them because you are lonely or there isn’t anyone else.
For the Person who is Rejected
Don’t argue!
If you are on the receiving end of being rejected or receiving a text message don’t argue, accept it and move on. Another reason people ghost is because the other person doesn’t accept the being rejected or the break-up.
If someone doesn’t want to be with you, then it is simple, they don’t want to be with you! Accept it.
Conclusion to How to Reject Nicely
To reject someone ‘nicely’ is to leave no uncertainty about your decision. It is about being clear, direct and considerate of their feelings.
When you let someone know how you feel it is better for everyone in the long term. It lets them move on so they are able to meet someone who likes/loves them in the same way.
If you are looking for help to be more successful in your dating life, why not book a free discovery call?
