Even after most couples have worked out a schedule for alternating Thanksgiving dinners and Independence Day picnics with their extended families, Mother's Day remains a complex issue. Trying to celebrate the mother figures in your and your partner's lives—while also carving out time for yourself (or your children's mother)—requires delicate planning. But while the coordination may feel complicated, the etiquette is simple, says lifestyle and etiquette expert Elaine Swann. The most important factor to consider when planning your Mother's Day celebration is what the guest of honor truly wants. Below, Swann walks us through all of your most pressing questions.
Can my partner and I celebrate both our moms at the same event?
If the mothers you're celebrating live nearby—and get along with each other—then coordinating one brunch, either at home or in a restaurant, is completely acceptable. "If both your mom and mother-in-law reside in the same town, it really is a wonderful gesture to celebrate them both at the same time," says Swann. "Etiquette would dictate that there's no problem with combining the celebration and doing something special with both of them." But that's assuming, of course, that the mothers on your guest list want to be honored together. "As we know, some moms can be a little territorial, and sometimes they prefer not to share the spotlight with somebody else," says Swann. "If that's the case, then my recommendation is to go more along the traditional route and celebrate each mom on their own."
Should I invite all the moms we're related to, including our aunts, sisters, cousins, and in-laws?
If the guests of honor give the okay for an extended-family event that honors every generation of mothers on both sides of the family, it's perfectly appropriate to plan one. But if they'd prefer to keep it more intimate, etiquette points toward following their wishes. Ultimately, you're not required to include any mother other than your own and your partner's mother, if you're celebrating the two together. To plan for a smaller guest list, Swann uses what she calls "the onion method." "The core of the onion is the part closest to you, and then you move outward in rings," she says. The priority considerations for Mother's Day are your own mother and, if you have children, their mother, followed by any widowed mothers in your family, including grandmothers and aunts—but etiquette doesn't require you to include everyone. "Allow the rest of your family to take care of their own," says Swann. "If you have a sister-in-law, then her children and spouse should be the ones to care for her."
If our moms don't want to celebrate together, do I really need to plan two brunches? Can we alternate each year?
If your moms live so far apart that seeing them both on the same day isn't physically possible, then you can present a plan for celebrating them on different days. Try brunch with one on Saturday followed by dinner with the other on Sunday, or plan a spa day with your mother the week after you spend Mother's Day with your partner's mother. But if it's just a matter of convenience, then you should put out the effort to see both partners' mothers on the actual day. "Mother's Day is a day to honor our moms and we should do our best—if that's a special day for her, then we should honor her on that day," says Swann. "This is the one day out of the year where you might be somewhat inconvenienced, and so, for the giver, you have to remember that it's really not about you." This might mean hosting one mother for an earlier breakfast and meeting the other for lunch, or even scheduling two morning meals back-to-back. "Honor your moms while they are here, and, if you have to inconvenience yourself, do so," says Swann. "Just pace yourself when you're eating!"
FAQs
Try brunch with one on Saturday followed by dinner with the other on Sunday, or plan a spa day with your mother the week after you spend Mother's Day with your partner's mother. But if it's just a matter of convenience, then you should put out the effort to see both partners' mothers on the actual day.
Should you get your mother-in-law something for mother's Day? ›
If you two are close, you may want to choose a personalized gift for your mother-in-law that represents how well you know her or harkens back to a favorite memory you share. If you're still getting to know your in-laws, opt for an activity you can both do together, like a cooking or art class.
What is the quote for both mother and mother-in-law? ›
A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life. Once blessed with a wonderful mother; twice blessed with my mother-in-law.
Should husband acknowledge mother's Day? ›
#1 Mother's Day is the perfect occasion for a husband to tell his wife she is a wonderful mother. Whilst every occasion is important, Mother's Day is a unique celebration of your wife as a mother. This is a role she carries out tirelessly 24/7 and a role that deserves your recognition, thanks and presents.
Who do you honor on mother's Day? ›
While Mother's Day is considered a celebration of motherhood, this holiday isn't just an acknowledgement for mother. For some, it's about honoring the sibling, stepmother, grandmother, aunt, uncle, dad, or grandfather who raised and cared for us.
Should you call your mother-in-law on mother's Day? ›
That first Mother's Day with a new mother-in-law can be such a fun moment. It's the first time you get to officially address her as mother-in-law on the big day, which is so sweet.
Do I need to wish my mother-in-law Happy mothers Day? ›
It's a great idea to include compliments in your Mother's Day message to your mother-in-law, and the more specific you are, the better. It's good to say, “You're the best,” but it's better to say, “In case I've only told you 500 times, you make the best apple pie on the planet.” Be specific.
How do you honor your mother-in-law? ›
HONOR HER THROUGH TANGIBLE HELP
Providing tangible help is a way to practically come alongside your mother-in-law. Maybe she's a gardener and you can offer to help her weed and plant flowers. Or maybe she's walking through a time of chronic sickness and you can drive her to the doctor or bring a meal.
What are two mother in laws called? ›
Mothers-in-law
A mother-in-law is the mother of a person's spouse. Two women who are mothers-in-law to each other's children may be called co-mothers-in-law, or, if there are grandchildren, co-grandmothers.
When the mother-in-law is too involved? ›
Respect your spouse's relationship with their mother, but explain your needs for personal space and autonomy. Make your needs clear, and name specific issues that need to be addressed. Keep your tone positive, and remind your spouse that you don't blame them for their mother's actions.
Mother's Day: Tips for Dads to Honor Moms
- Give from the heart. Grand gestures are fine sometimes, but whatever you do, whether simple or extravagant, make it about expressing your love and appreciation. ...
- Help the kids create something. ...
- Consider a gift of time. ...
- Capture the memories.
Mother's Day message from a husband or partner
I am blessed to have a wife who is not only my partner in life, but also an amazing mother to our child. I am grateful for all the hard work and dedication you put into raising our child. Thank you for always putting our family first and going the extra mile.
Should I gift my wife on mother's Day? ›
Mother's Day is the time to show her just how much she's appreciated and noticed. The right gift is an important way to make her feel special on May 12, when Mother's Day rolls around this year. And you know how the old saying goes: Happy wife, happy life.
Should your husband buy you something for mother's Day? ›
It's up to your kids
This day is designed for children to celebrate the influence of the mom in their life. As a husband, maybe your biggest duty is to help coordinate the kids' efforts to make a Mother's Day craft or card.
