Valentine’s Day is upon us and you’re in trouble. It’s too late to order flowers and restaurant reservations filled up weeks ago. Thankfully, there’s still the trusty chocolate aisle of your local supermarket, stacked with sweet treats that, OK, aren’t the most original gift, but are better than turning up empty-handed.
But which of these readily available confections are most likely to soothe the romantically injured, and which mouthfuls would only make things worse?
I sat down with Sydney-based chocolatiers Alice Tieu of Silver Street Chocolate and Jin Sun Kim of Kakawa Chocolates to taste nine “special occasion” chocolates of the gift-boxed or individually wrapped variety found in supermarkets. We scored them primarily based on taste and texture: a cocoa-rich taste, a good balance in their flavours and fillings (nuts, praline, fruity goo or Irish cream liqueur), and a smooth, snappy texture. Chocolates with an unpleasant aftertaste, a grainy, sandy or pasty texture, and out-of-whack balance between filling and chocolate shell had points knocked off.
But a Valentine’s Day chocolate gift is also about the heart. So I roped in my beleaguered partner Caroline to help assess the romantic impact of each chocolate, be it for the packaging and branding, perceived luxury or sweet nostalgia.
Yet taste testing chocolate isn’t the sweet dream it seems. By the end of the gruelling exercise we were all swearing to never touch the stuff again (a pact that lasted 45 minutes). The judges and I each downed more than 20 pieces of chocolate in a single sitting and, for our sins, we learned a few important lessons: price isn’t necessarily a marker of quality, nostalgia can be misleading and there is absolutely such a thing as too much chocolate at 10am.
Best overall
Ferrero Rocher heart chocolate gift box, eight pieces, 100g, $14 ($14 for 100g), available from Coles
Score: 10/10
A few of the other chocolates rated just as well in overall flavour, or had intriguing textural contrasts or appealing packaging. But ultimately it was the classic gold-foiled Ferrero Rocher with its crisp, choc-and-hazelnut-coated shell, soft truffle-y insides and whole-hazelnut centre that scored the highest marks across all categories. Alice called them “little, golden balls of happiness” as she lifted one from the heart-shaped plastic box, which she and Caroline felt was sufficiently kitschy to get these across the line as a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift. Jin Sun disagreed: “You’d owe me an apology if you brought me any of these.” Packaging aside, everyone agreed the textural interplay of crunch and butter-smooth filling earned these golden orbs a gold star.
Best value
Merci milk and dark chocolate mix, 200g, $4.99 ($2.50 for 100g), available from Aldi
Score: 9.5/10
If you ever want to stun a table of chocolate experts into silence, hand them a box of these chocolates and tell them what they cost. Though its simple cardboard packaging was pipped by Ferrero Rocher’s flashy presentation, these thin, rectangular chocolates left everyone around the table momentarily speechless at the quality and intensity of flavour – and at 25 cents a piece. We all had something good to say about each flavour in this milk and dark chocolate mix, from the coffee and cream, praline créme to the dark chocolate marzipan. Jin Sun and Caroline praised them for their rich taste and balanced sweetness, as well as their good snap, texture and consistency. Caroline said it was only the unimaginative cardboard sleeve that held these back from top marks.
And the rest
Ferrero Raffaello heart chocolate gift box, 10 pieces, 100g, $14 ($14 for 100g), available from Coles
Score: 9/10
Will I ever rid my dining room floor of desiccated coconut? Days after this fateful tasting, the question lingers. While there were murmurs of discontent (from me and Caroline) at the prospect of white chocolate, these crisp, explosively coconut-y balls quickly silenced us. Like a Ferrero Rocher’s albino twin, all judges were enamoured with the wafer shells, creamy white-chocolate insides and almond heart. “The ratios are perfect,” Alice aid. A cardboard heart-shaped box is a nice touch, though Caroline felt the individual plastic wrapping of the chocolates looked cheaper than their foil-clad Ferrero brethren. Overall, a pleasant surprise, tempered only by the slightly overpowering taste – and now house-wide presence – of coconut.
Cadbury Roses boxed chocolate, 420g, $18 ($4.29 for 100g), available from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 7.5/10
“Roses are cool again,” Alice said as we cracked into this purple box. “I find these very romantic.” To Alice, the chocolate-to-filling ratio was spot on; Jin Sun said the chocolates were “a lot better than expected” and was pleasantly surprised by the richness of the flavours, though she would have preferred a thinner chocolate shell. As is often the case with Roses chocolates, each judge had a favourite flavour: passionfruit delight, hazelnut swirl, even Turkish delight. But as for their potential as a romantic gesture, Caroline was dubious. “Am I your partner or your neighbour at Christmas?”
Baci original dark chocolate bag, 125g, $8 ($6.40 for 100g), available from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 7/10
Fancy Italian-named chocolates; utilitarian plastic-bag packaging. These had a mixed response from the tasters: Alice thought the packaging was “quirky and retro” and that the one-bite dark chocolate-and-hazelnut-praline numbers had a “whimsical and dreamy sweetness”. Jin Sun thought the flavour was middling and the praline texture was a little coarse and sandy. Not coarse nor sandy: the delightful romantic quotes printed inside the wrappers, shared across the table to a chorus of “aww”s. Baci might be Italian for “kiss” but, for me, when it comes to the flavour, these are a polite peck on the cheek.
Guylian “the original seashells”, 250g, $21 ($8.40 for 100g), available from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 4/10
“The original seashells” is a bold claim, considering the existence of actual seashells. I was excited to taste these nostalgic beach-themed chocolates but my enthusiasm wasn’t shared. After wrestling one from the moulded-plastic box Jin Sun said, “These don’t look very good,” and noted the lack of tempered chocolate sheen, which also robbed the roast hazelnut praline filling of a textural contrast. The other judges agreed these were one-note chocolates – not enough textural interest, and they tasted cloyingly sweet. Beach-foraged seashells might not be out of work after all.
Baileys original chocolate truffles, 320g, $25 ($7.80 for 100g), available from Coles
Score: 3/10
While creamy, rich Baileys might seem like an ideal chocolate filling, only regret leaked from these dense milk-chocolate balls. To all judges, the glossy, tacky caramel centre tasted overwhelmingly boozy, which, for Jin Sun, was not exclusively a bad thing – they reminded her of Irish-cream-fuelled parties of her youth: “I associate it with being 19”. But for the rest of the judges, the evidence spoke for itself – the table was strewn with abandoned, half-eaten truffles.
Côte d’Or Bouchée milk chocolate, eight-pack, 200g, $8 ($4 for 100g), available from Coles
Score: 3/10
If you’ve ever wondered why more chocolates aren’t vaguely shaped like elongated, squatting elephants, these chunky chocs have the answer. “My teeth are glued together,” Alice said (or tried to say) after a single bite through the mass of hazelnut praline paste, with Jin Sun agreeing that the hom*ogenous elephant insides were “strangely chewy”. And while the fatty aftertaste and lack of textural contrast can be forgiven, for Caroline, the choice of animal shape cannot: “Being gifted an elephant is about the least romantic thing I can think of.”
Lindt Lindor assorted chocolate gift box, 235g, $22 ($9.36 for 100g), available from Woolworths
Score: 2/10
If disappointment came wrapped in red, gold and blue, this is what it would taste like. Despite an excess of plastic packaging, most of these chocolate spheres were misshapen or dented. Jin Sun said they tasted “oily and cheap”, while Alice didn’t enjoy the lack of contrast between the soft centre and the equally soft chocolate coating. Sadly none of the four flavours – milk, white, dark nor hazelnut praline – could redeem our nostalgia for these chocolate balls. “I was most excited about these,” said a visibly disheartened Caroline, holding up a milk chocolate orb that looked as though it had been driven over by a bus. Are you happy now, Lindt? You made my girlfriend sad on Valentine’s Day.
